Wishing and hoping and thinking and praying.

Do you ever wish something away? I have done it plenty of times and every time it comes up and bites me.

Senior year of high school was the first time in my life that I wished away everything. I was counting down the days until I didn’t have to step foot into Perry High School ever again. I quit tennis my senior year because I was elected a Northwest District Secretary in 4-H and I thought it would be too much to handle. I rarely spoke to anyone outside of my group of friends. And I didn’t participate in Powder Puff, Homecoming, and almost Prom. Looking back, I should have done all of those things instead of day dreaming of how great college would be and how good it would be to never see half those people again.

But did I learn from this? No. I went and wished away the last semester of my freshman year of college.

From the first week in my dorm, I loved college. Loved it. So much freedom and really no one to answer too. Sure, mom and dad always called to check in and I knew I would have some explaining to do if I didn’t have good grades but it was jus t different. My first semester was amazing. Really it was. But I failed to branch out and make new friends. I realize now how much I missed out on then. Second semester came too fast. But by then, I found out who my true friends were and I didn’t know how I would ever live without them. But when dead week came and finals were dreadfully getting closer and closer, I began to wish. Wished for it to be summer. Wished to be home and away from drama. Wished to have my own bathroom and kitchen that I didn’t have to share. Wished to live in a real house and not just a dorm room. Now, being a senior, I would go back and live that year over in a heartbeat. Sure, I would do some stuff differently…but ultimately, it was the best year of college so far.

And once again, I have found myself in the same situation. I wished away a great experience, opportunity, and internship.

My internship is officially over. I know I have blogged about it before but I can’t seem to get this topic off my mind. I started back at my job as a student worker in Stillwater today. I love my job but I can’t help but feel a little sad. This is what I have been counting down the days to get back to? It just doesn’t seem the same. Maybe I have grown up. Maybe I just don’t like change. Either way, it made me realize how much I wished away my internship. I was counting down the days for summer, for this job, to be in my own house, to be back in Stillwater. And now that it’s here…I’m not sure it is that great. I know things will get better with my BFFL working in the same building and with other friends being in town…it is just a little hard to take right now.

So that is my new goal (along with many others for the summer lol). I won’t wish away my senior year. Yes, I’m sure I will get annoyed and restless with classes, classmates, homework, professors and even friends…but I’m not going to let that get in the way of enjoying my last year….I won’t be wishing it away.

All good things must come to an end.

I can't believe it but my internship is almost over. Next week is my last week at the capitol and I will be back in Stillwater for the summer.

This internship was one of the hardest, toughest, most life-changing, great things I have ever had to do in my life. As many of my family and friends know, I had my ups and downs. The first week was definitely the hardest. That seems so long ago now.

I learned so much about myself while I was living in Oklahoma City. I learned how much I love being a student and that I really need to take advantage of it while I can. I have the rest of my life to work. :)

I learned who are my true friends. There are some that I can call them when I get back into town and its like no time has passed...others, I have to be with them constantly. I love them all though.

I learned, a little bit, about driving in OKC. I'm still not great but I think that I have definitely improved.

I learned how valuable a good impression is. I have had the opportunity to meet a lot of people and make a lot of really great friends that will only help me later on in life.

This internship was amazing. I learned so much about Oklahoma legislature, agriculture issues, and how to keep involved with both after I leave the capitol. Overall, it was a great experience and I wouldn't trade it for anything. :)

Schools out for summer.

Today was my last day of junior year in college. I honestly can't believe that I have been in college for three years already. It seems like just yesterday I was starting out as a freshman. I can remember my first night in the dorms. I didn't know anybody and I was in bed by 10:30 p.m. Looking back, I laugh about that so much. After that night, I don't think I went to bed before midnight ever lol. I also may or may not have carried my laptop to class on the first day. Yes, this is embarrassing...but I think it just proves how everyone makes silly mistakes as a freshman.

I also realized today that I actually miss something from high school. I know, hard to believe but its true lol. In high school, on the last day of school you get to see everyone one last time before leaving for summer. People are taking pictures, signing yearbooks and getting each others cell numbers before the three month separation. Its basically a big celebration.

Today being my last day of school wasn't anything special. I worked all day and only saw a handful of my friends before they left for summer break. Yes...I love the friends that I did get to see today but there were so many more that I wanted to see before they left.

This is probably the only thing I would change about finals week if I could. I want there to be one big goodbye! I miss saying goodbye to people and seeing them one last time before the summer.

But, summer will be great and I am so excited for it...even if it is a little bittersweet. :)

We are family.

Today my grandparents came to visit me at work because all of the interns were being recognized on the Senate floor. When I saw my Grandma, Papa, and Mema sitting in my office, I realized how lucky I am to have them in my life. My grandparents drove an hour to see me get a piece of paper and be on the floor for about 2 minutes. Granted, it was neat to be in there and be recognized, I would have understood if they couldn't come.

It was during today that I realized how much I miss my Pepa. I will post more about him later but it really hit me today that he won't see me graduate from college. He won't by at my wedding. I won't get to talk about Ireland with him, since he went as well. I miss him so much.

Be good to yourself, when nobody else will.

So...Summer 2009 is quickly approaching and I am looking forward to it! It is the last summer before my "first" senior year and I am going to make the most of it. I've made a list of books I want to read. Around 15 so far and I know I probably won't get through them all but it is nice to have an idea of where to start.

I am also going to Ireland for a study abroad. I can't wait to get over there and see the way they live. I'm pumped for drinking in Irish pubs, meeting Irish guys, and learning about their agricultural practices.

I've already picked out 2 pictures that I would like to paint before the summer is over. I haven't painted in months and I'm looking forward to getting back into it again.

I'm going to Billy Bob's with my girls and I'm so so so excited to go to Texas. I love it!

Also, this is my last summer with most of my other senior friends. I'm gonna make the most of it :) There will never be another time like this. Sure, I'm working full time and I'm looking at getting a second job but I will never have another opportunity to stay up until 2 o'clock in the morning to pull a prank on the boys at the beef barn or go lay out and tan at the pool at the Colvin with the girls.

So here is to a great summer and living it up with my friends, doing what I want, and making it a summer to remember!

Hold on when you feel like letting go, Hold on it gets better than you know.

I'm growing up. I don't think it was any more obvious than it was this weekend. I was talking to two of my friends, we'll call them Cappie and Rebekah (In honor of me not being able to watch Greek tonight). Now Cappie sees this other girl that he likes, Casey. He goes over and tells her to come to our little group of people and hang out. While he is gone Rebekah tells me, Oh my gosh! Cappie likes her so much. He has the biggest crush on her. So, after hearing that, I'm expecting them to talk and for Cappie to even ask her to dance or something. But no, Casey ends up standing outside the group the whole time and I never even got introduced to her. I felt so bad for her. So, if Cappie really likes her so much then why didn't he talk to her? That is what grown ups do. If you like someone, you have to make a move. You can't just sit there wishing and hoping that something will someday happen. If you do that you will waste your whole life.

Now, that being said, I am not the best at putting myself out there lol. Actually, I might be one of the worst. But that is why I think I am finally growing up. I can't take the "Oh, I think I like so and so." or "I know that so and so is one of my friends but I think there is something more." I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of people trying to make something out of nothing.

I'm waiting for that ah-hah moment. I know that sounds stupid but I'm waiting for that moment when I see someone and it just clicks. I haven't met that person that challenges me to be a better person. Or calls me out on my mistakes. Or who doesn't doubt my toughness. Or has the courage to treat me like an independent woman. I'm holding out for that.

Also, I went to Calf Fry for the 3rd year straight this weekend and realized that next year is more than likely my last year to go. While this is sad, I think I am okay with it. I mean, I had a blast seeing my friends and hanging out with people but I also remember my sister when I was a freshmen. She was a senior and could always be found at the back of the crowd, mingling and listening to music. I couldn't understand why she didn't want to be on the 2nd row of the crowd where I was with my friends. Where was I at Calf Fry this year? I was at the back of the crowd, mingling and listening to music. And I was being asked by younger classmates to go to the front and I found that I didn't want to. I've outgrown that stage of my life. Leave the crowd fighting, people pushing, and getting there at 6:30 to get a good spot to the freshmen. I'll be in the back...growing up.