Wishing and hoping and thinking and praying.

Do you ever wish something away? I have done it plenty of times and every time it comes up and bites me.

Senior year of high school was the first time in my life that I wished away everything. I was counting down the days until I didn’t have to step foot into Perry High School ever again. I quit tennis my senior year because I was elected a Northwest District Secretary in 4-H and I thought it would be too much to handle. I rarely spoke to anyone outside of my group of friends. And I didn’t participate in Powder Puff, Homecoming, and almost Prom. Looking back, I should have done all of those things instead of day dreaming of how great college would be and how good it would be to never see half those people again.

But did I learn from this? No. I went and wished away the last semester of my freshman year of college.

From the first week in my dorm, I loved college. Loved it. So much freedom and really no one to answer too. Sure, mom and dad always called to check in and I knew I would have some explaining to do if I didn’t have good grades but it was jus t different. My first semester was amazing. Really it was. But I failed to branch out and make new friends. I realize now how much I missed out on then. Second semester came too fast. But by then, I found out who my true friends were and I didn’t know how I would ever live without them. But when dead week came and finals were dreadfully getting closer and closer, I began to wish. Wished for it to be summer. Wished to be home and away from drama. Wished to have my own bathroom and kitchen that I didn’t have to share. Wished to live in a real house and not just a dorm room. Now, being a senior, I would go back and live that year over in a heartbeat. Sure, I would do some stuff differently…but ultimately, it was the best year of college so far.

And once again, I have found myself in the same situation. I wished away a great experience, opportunity, and internship.

My internship is officially over. I know I have blogged about it before but I can’t seem to get this topic off my mind. I started back at my job as a student worker in Stillwater today. I love my job but I can’t help but feel a little sad. This is what I have been counting down the days to get back to? It just doesn’t seem the same. Maybe I have grown up. Maybe I just don’t like change. Either way, it made me realize how much I wished away my internship. I was counting down the days for summer, for this job, to be in my own house, to be back in Stillwater. And now that it’s here…I’m not sure it is that great. I know things will get better with my BFFL working in the same building and with other friends being in town…it is just a little hard to take right now.

So that is my new goal (along with many others for the summer lol). I won’t wish away my senior year. Yes, I’m sure I will get annoyed and restless with classes, classmates, homework, professors and even friends…but I’m not going to let that get in the way of enjoying my last year….I won’t be wishing it away.